hniw.us On life in Seattle and things best left unsaidお化粧はどしたの芸者さん

If you can’t be with the one you love

Love the one you’re with, or so the lyrics go.  In my time here in Seattle, I am finding that to be easier said than done.  The major fallacy in such logic is that it assumes that there is someone for you to be with in lieu of the one you love.  Unfortunately, I do no have that luxury.  I tried by way of a dog, but I am not a dog person and I have no patience for dogs.  I much prefer the demeanor of cats, as fickle as they may be, and my lifestyle did not mesh well with a small creature that constantly sought validation for its existence.  Now the dog is doing much better in the place I wish I were, no longer subject to my changing moods or strict discipline.  So I am back to being alone, and still unhappy with the situation that I now find myself in.  But thinking that a dog could fill the void that often forms when I find myself alone was a mistake on my part.  Lucky for me, the one I love is a dog person and the one that I really purchased the dog for, following the loss of her family pet.  He isn’t a perfect replacement, but I do feel validated in the purchase in seeing the joy he brings to both hers and her mother’s life, despite the fact that her mother is some 1700 miles away.

So what is a person, suffering from bipolar disorder, to do in such a situation.  I could turn to random strangers – by way of craigslist – to fill the void, as I’ve had no success making any real connections with my peers.  Or I could turn to the bottle and reacquaint myself with my friends Daniels and Morgan, loosing myself in research and other unmentionables.  It isn’t a very satisfying existence, but in the absence of anyone to talk to or connect with, we have to make due with what we have.  And I figured I should do so while I can before I decide to return to the medications that I’ve not felt I needed until I found myself revisiting dark places better left forgotten.